EuroBeery 2012: Denmark v Germany, Portugal v Holland

Group B: Denmark v Germany

I'm hoping that somewhere in Krusa, on the Danish / German border, there's a bar. It's not somewhere that the workers at the nearby Arla mega-dairy frequent. Truckers on the E45 don't divert for it. It's a dim-lit, sparsely-customed bar. But it would have a couple of chiller shelves under the counter. The bored brunette working there would line up a few bottles for me on the bar. She'd then endlessly re-wash some glasses to keep her busy. I'd sit on a split-leather stool and try to work out if there really could be a winner when the beers from either side of the border meet head-to-head.

I'd spend forty-five minutes drinking Andechs beers. Vollbier that has an inner light about it, a pillowy head as soft as its palate. Maybe the Bergbock as well, with its malt depths and honeyed sweetness. Certainly the Spezial, as pale and crisp as a starched dress shirt. It'd be my idea of Hell.

An easy 0-3 lead for Germany. What can the Danish do?

Collaborate. Innovate. Think outside the six-yard box.

Evil Twin.

It's not just the fact that they are robust, ambitious and assertive beers. With names such as 'Christmas Eve at a New York City Hotel Room', 'Even More Jesus' and 'Monk Suffers Serious Sugar Rush On Barbados', I can't resist them.

In the battle of Hell versus Evil, it can only be a score draw.

Result: Denmark 3 Germany 3

Group B: Portugal v Netherlands

Cristiano Ronaldo has the silky skills. Bruno Alves has the physical presence. I've yet to find a Portugese beer that exhibits either.

La Trappe Quad, sipped slowly and decisively over ninety minutes. Job done.

Result: Portugal 0 Netherlands 1

And that's Group B wrapped up. The Dutch are out; Germany top the group and Denmark nab the second spot. There will be dancing in the streets of Krusa tonight.