Plenty of harrumphing going on at the moment as it's reported that James Bond will be drinking Heineken in Skyfall, the next instalment of the interminable franchise.

Lest we forget:

- Product placement has been ever present in the world of Bond, both books and films.
- Heineken have been involved with the Bond franchise for fifteen years.
- Bond does actually drink beer in the novels.

Let's take those one at a time.

It may not have been an explicit tactic of Ian Fleming to use the name of luxury goods in his novels for the purposes of marketing placement or financial reward. He may have just been following the lead of Dennis Wheatley in that regard. Fleming certainly followed Wheatley's work in many ways. But product placement has been ever-present in the Bond movie adaptations and franchised scripts. It makes money for the film company. Films cost money to make. Simple maths.

Placement seems to have grown at a pace during the Pierce Brosnan / Daniel Craig era. Heineken have been involved in five films so far and have great plans for Skyfall, including Craig's direct involvement. As Alexis Nasard, Chief Commercial Officer of Heineken says so eloquently; "We are confident our activation plan will ignite the conversation with our consumers and film viewers".

But Bond and beer? That can't be right?

Wrong.

I had vague memories of Bond drinking beer on the odd occasion; thankfully, someone has already documented the where-and-what's. Step forward Jay Brooks, who wrote about this back in 2006 when there was a similar kerfuffle over the reports of Bond to drink Heineken in Casino Royale.

- Miller High Life in Saratoga, Diamonds Are Forever
- Löwenbräu in Geneva, Goldfinger
- Red Stripe in Jamaica, The Man With The Golden Gun
- Franziskaner (four steins, no less) in Munich, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

So Bond is not only a beer drinker but also a lager drinker.

Would he be a Heineken drinker, though? It seems that he prefers to drink something local/regional to wherever he is at the time. But Heineken is a global brand and Bond is a global player.

Frankly if I'd spent the day killing double agents by the most circuitous method possible followed by a bout of athletic shagging, I'd rather reach for a lager than a Martini.

And as far as I know, the rumours that previous films are to be re-made with a beery angle are false. So there will be no Double Diamonds Are Forever, The Man With The Golden Ale nor For Your IPAs Only... >

I looked up at the TV last night only because someone was murdering 'A Wondrous Place'.

For about thirty seconds, the moodily-lit advert ran through a gamut of slo-mo clichés. Aftershave, perhaps? Teeth whitening? Haemorrhoid cream? Nope; Carling.

Gone are the matey larks of previous campaigns This re-branding seems to be aiming for Mr Metrosexual. Hard on its heels is the announcement that Molson Coors are dropping sponsorship of the Football League Cup after what seems an eternity (fourteen years is a long time in football. Especially for Nottingham Forest).

Meanwhile, Carslberg are doing what Carslberg do best; viral campaigning. The Belgium Bikers video is spreading like chlamydia during fresher's week.

Heineken already have the prancing-man commercial to persuade us that lager is A Lot More Sophisticated Than Wot You Thought. An advert, incidentally, that was the subject of a complaint to the Advertising Standards Authority. The complainant being Molson Coors. Who had previously been the subject of another complaint over a Carling advert. The complainant being Heineken. I look forward to both beverages being served in black pots / kettles in the near future.

Even Foster's have toned down the Ozzy banter of late. And featured Holly Vallance in their adverts. Good call?

In their own, very different, ways the message seems to be:

Lager isn't scary any more.

But can even the might of global brewers and fancy ad campaigns divorce the words lager and lout from the common lexicon of beer? My hunch is we'll have to suffer more than a few moody adverts with piss-poor cover versions in the not-too distant future.


I hope the cartoonist Gareth Plumb doesn't mind the reproduction of his lout. >