Lines on the Occasion of a Grand Twissup in Burton

Twas in the year of 2010 and in the 15th day of May
Which the lovers of hops and malt will oft say
Especially those that visited the Twissup in Burton
“It was most magnificent”, of that they are certain

The meeting point was the illustrious Coopers Arms
Which was very full indeed of many beer-related charms
Although when a certain Scooper drank the last pint of Jaipur
Many in the queue behind we heard to say “Oh No!”

An ascent of the Shobnall Maltings tower was then expedited
From there the whole glorious town of Burton could be sighted
The breweries, the Town Hall, the Coopers Shopping Centre
And several ale establishments into which the group would soon venture

Off to White Shield Brewery where the inimitable Steve Wellington
Showed all his ‘old faithful’ copper and mash tun
Later the feast of food laid out was indeed supreme
Although some fool laced his P2 stout with very clotted cream

With bellies full of beef dripping fried chips and sausage
The group strolled in the sun to the next brewery at Burton Bridge
Within the rosy-faced topers professed a fondness
Of Bruce’s Porter, Festival, Bitter and Golden Delicious

Many decided later to go forth on a ramble
Onwards to another public house, the Wetmore Whistle
Sadly to say, from reading what they Twit
It appears that the beers they tried were pretty well not up to the standard expected

Some hardy topers at the Burton Bridge tarried a while
Before making their way to a bar known as the Dial
A watering hole diverse; customers such as those not yet shaving
Accompanying women whose tans were sprayed on that morning

Ignoring the stares of those drinkers jejune,
Our Tweeters were soon all drinking Blue Moon
Many opted for a slice of fruit in their beer, an orange
Which from a drinkability perspective added immeasurably to the challenge.

As the evening wore on, the Tweeters drifted apart
With some travelling home to assuage their sweetheart
Others stayed to drink more Molson-Coors portfolio product
And fall asleep in curry houses, inciting rude group conduct

Success to the organisers of the Grand Burton Twissup!
For making the day flow smoothly without a hiccup.
Our thoughts now when on buses, on trains and at aerodrome
Will be on how beer dispense is shortly to be revolutionised at home...

With the merest of apologies to William McGonnagal


  1. Brilliant!
    You've captured it all right there...

  2. I hope that Molson Coors will use this in a voiceover for their TV ads.

  3. Brilliant! You have now raised the bar very high for post-Twissup poetry blog posts.

  4. Good write up mate, however Mark spoiled it by putting images of you raising a bar in our heads!

  5. Maybe all beer related blog posts should be in this format?

    Brightened up my day (apart from the pint of Burton Bridge Porter I've just had at lunch)

    Until we meet again ....


  6. Your stanzas make getting pissed sound very Romantic!