I-Spy
As a kid, I loved the I-Spy books. The family holiday in Devon gave me a chance to spy those ‘exotic’ car registrations. I’d even buy a clean copy of ‘I-Spy On The Motorway’ to see if I could complete it on the run between Birmingham and Exeter. When I heard that Adrian Tierney-Jones had brought out the Real Ale Record Book, the pitch for which was ‘I-Spy for grown-ups’, I had a shiver of excitement not experienced since spying a flashing overhead sign warning of impending lane closures around the Almondsbury interchange.
The Real Ale Record Book is, quite literally, a cask ale ticker’s book. Which is great but there’s an opportunity going begging, methinks. ‘I-Spy Down The Pub’ is just asking to be written; perhaps it’d look something like this…
Pub names:
Red Lion – 10 points
Wheatsheaf – 20 points
The Cock and Cougar – 50 points
Beers:
Greene King IPA – 10 points
Thornbridge Jaipur – 20 points
Throxheard’s Oak-Aged Double Imperial Goozeberry Hefeweizen – 50 points.
Snacks:
Salted peanuts – 10 points. Minus 5 points if the backing card reveals a ‘hilarious’ picture of a semi-naked woman
Pork scratchings – 20 points. Bonus 5 points if the eyelashes are intact and are longer than the barmaid’s
Rabbit jerky – 50 points
Interior:
Vase of flowers / half-melted candles in fireplace – 10 points
Huge Bass mirror – 20 points. Bonus 10 points if the pub ever actually served Bass
Wood panelled snug with a service bell, Burne-Jones stained glass, Minton tiling and ex-warship-timber roof beams – 50 points
Exterior:
Overflowing cigarette bin by the back door – 10 points
Non-wobbly picnic table – 20 points
White dogshit by the kiddie’s swing – 50 points
Customers:
The one who asks for a pint of Guinness after ordering the rest of the round – 10 points
The one who drinks WKD and has an ankle tattoo – 20 points. Bonus 10 points if it’s a woman. Minus 20 points if she’s in a Wetherspoons
The Reluctant Scooper – 50 points. As long as you buy me a pint first ;-)
PS - Michelin have taken over the I-Spy mantle. Perhaps I ought to drop their Big Chief I-Spy a line...
The Real Ale Record Book is, quite literally, a cask ale ticker’s book. Which is great but there’s an opportunity going begging, methinks. ‘I-Spy Down The Pub’ is just asking to be written; perhaps it’d look something like this…
Pub names:
Red Lion – 10 points
Wheatsheaf – 20 points
The Cock and Cougar – 50 points
Beers:
Greene King IPA – 10 points
Thornbridge Jaipur – 20 points
Throxheard’s Oak-Aged Double Imperial Goozeberry Hefeweizen – 50 points.
Snacks:
Salted peanuts – 10 points. Minus 5 points if the backing card reveals a ‘hilarious’ picture of a semi-naked woman
Pork scratchings – 20 points. Bonus 5 points if the eyelashes are intact and are longer than the barmaid’s
Rabbit jerky – 50 points
Interior:
Vase of flowers / half-melted candles in fireplace – 10 points
Huge Bass mirror – 20 points. Bonus 10 points if the pub ever actually served Bass
Wood panelled snug with a service bell, Burne-Jones stained glass, Minton tiling and ex-warship-timber roof beams – 50 points
Exterior:
Overflowing cigarette bin by the back door – 10 points
Non-wobbly picnic table – 20 points
White dogshit by the kiddie’s swing – 50 points
Customers:
The one who asks for a pint of Guinness after ordering the rest of the round – 10 points
The one who drinks WKD and has an ankle tattoo – 20 points. Bonus 10 points if it’s a woman. Minus 20 points if she’s in a Wetherspoons
The Reluctant Scooper – 50 points. As long as you buy me a pint first ;-)
PS - Michelin have taken over the I-Spy mantle. Perhaps I ought to drop their Big Chief I-Spy a line...
Brilliant idea Scoop! I always remember I-Spy at the Airport, which was akin to ticking plane tail fin liveries!
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