What Shall We Do With The Reluctant Scooper?

What shall we do with the Reluctant Scooper?
What shall we do with the Reluctant Scooper?
What shall we do with the Reluctant Scooper?
Now the New Year's dawning?

Lock him in a club and serve him Smoothflow
Making sure that off to the loo he don't go
Watch his tastebuds pop on all that nitro
Early in the morning

Make him clean the copper with a balding toothbrush
Scouring oh-so-slowly, no way can he rush,
Til he has no hands, just gloves of pink mush
Wasted by the morning

Take him to the city and maroon him in a Spoons
Where the fridges are half empty and the cask's 'Coming Soon'
And the locals are excited by the phases of the moon
Grunting every morning

Let the Jaipur run out before he gets to the bar
Doesn't really matter that he's travelled so damn far
Just tell him that the next cask's really on par
But not until the morning

Everybody ask him "What's your favourite beer?",
"Where would you be drinking if you weren't drinking here?",
"I'd really love a Carling; do they serve that here?"
Every fecking morning

It's time for this Reluctant Scooper to take a sabbatical; several other projects are gaining momentum and need a little nurturing. Over the next couple of months, I've scheduled several posts for publication here, ones that I never quite got around to sorting out in 2009.

Normal service (if you can ever call it that) will be resumed in Easter 2010.

In the meantime, expect the (occasional) Tweet from @reluctantscoop as I'll still be finding time to toper around in search of a few sherberts.

Drink 'em like you stole 'em, folks!



  1. What?! What the bejangles are we supposed to do till then?

  2. Enjoy!! See you on the other side

  3. Simon! How naughty of you to steal other's thunder. Enjoy your breather

  4. Stonch quits, you go on holiday - what next? Pete Brown on a month-long wheatgrass bender?