Competition time!
This Scrooge Scooper has teamed up with beermerchants.com to offer a case of beer as first prize in this site's first competition. You may know the article by George Orwell describing his imaginary perfect pub, The Moon Under Water. I'd like to know the ten qualities you look for in your perfect pub. Post them up here as comments. Or email to me using the address listed under the 'Contact US' tab. The one that tickles me the most will win a case of beer courtesy of beermerchants.com. Extra special random bonus beer prizes may be available if someone comes up with a particularly leftfield selection.
To enter, you need to be UK resident and over 18. Entries to be posted in by midnight Thursday 18th December - winner will be sent the beer in the new year (postage to UK addresses only). Don't forget, you've got to be in it to win it so crack open a bottle and start posting!
1) It's in the middle of nowhere making it a challenge to get to
ReplyDelete2) It has a pub cat that sits on your lap or a dog that lies at your feet
3) It’s a proper free house
4) It has lock-ins (even though it doesn’t need to anymore –just to be Old School)
5) The landlord\landlady is a character, and most importantly, is always behind the bar
6) The food is basic, cheep and plentiful
7) There’s no piped music but there is a bloke who occasionally turns up with his guitar, sits in a corner, and sings songs for his own enjoyment
8) It has the occasional beer festival
9) The garden is a tucked-away gem, on slip levels with chickens roaming around
10) …and the beer line up is (and this is where I lose this competition): Goacher’s Mild, Light & Dark with 3 more, rotating, beers. …and I don’t care what the lagers or bottles are available as I won’t be drinking them
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ReplyDeleteBlogger louise said...
ReplyDeletemy go:
beach front
california
brewery
surfers
volleyball
fresh fish
hops in my beer
music by night
fire
great beer people
artists
cosmopolitan, but appreciating local food and produce.
random occasional festivals , music, arts or beer.
cask as much keg
belgians, and antipodean brews.
Scandinavian and UK offerings.
and, lots of friends.
maybe even a fish bowl.
1. It's near public transport, so it's pretty easy to get to and you can have a drink without having to drive
ReplyDelete2. When you go in, there is a board showing what beer is available so you don't have to go hunting looking over people's shoulders at pump clips or looking over the bar at what is in the fridges.
3. A true mix of beer. UK cask conditioned a 3.4-3.8% mild or session beer, a 4.0-4.4% best bitter and a 5.0+ stronger beer. Also a range of taps for European and world beers. Then a fridge selection of Belgian, German and American beers.
4. Regular beer festivals, preferably focussing on a single brewery or beer style.
5. Food - simple, tasty, wholesome. Bratwurst and sourkraut for example
6. Staff behind the bar MUST know their beer. They should be able to give advice on which beers are which and be able to lead the unadventurous drinker into something more interesting
7. Plenty of pub games, chess/draught sets, cribbage league, reading group, newspapers
8. Decor of beer/brewery mirrors, hops. A little on the dark side, like a good Belgian brown cafe or snug British pub. Candles on the tables. Music to be either non existant or low level classical/jazz
9. Offers bus trips to local breweries for tastings.
10. A feeling that if you are there for just a soft drink or a few pints, or there for the day/night, that it is an event. You feel excited about going, a sense of anticipation before entering, a comfortable feeling that makes you feel at home (literally a public house), and when you leave, somewhere that you can't wait to get back to.
Fin
ReplyDelete1) It will have a modest range of beers all kept in impeccably good nick.
2) There will be an interesting range of bottled beers of varying styles that the publican will have thought long and hard about and will occasionally add to with seasonal offerings or suggestions from his clientel
3) There will be a miserable old git called Ted, Bert or Bill who will have his own seat and god help any newcomer who attempts to sit in it.
4) Traditional pub games such as Aunt Sally (Oxon) Cheese Skittles (Northants) local to the area will be played.
5) You will be served by a friendly engaging bar person preferably of the buxom and rosey cheeked variety.
6) The music will be of the traditional variety and will be spontaneous, there will also be raucous bouts of singing on occasion of songs that are local to the area, and are filled with smutty innuendo's about people who frequent the establishment.
7) Food is simple, tasty and compliments what you are drinking.
8) When sitting in the pub you will get that feeling that you just don't want to go home and continue enjoying the moment only worrying about going to work with the mother of all hangovers after you've left.
9) A roaring open (real) fire will be blast away the winter blues.
10) You will be known by your name/nickname by all who use the place.
This my friends would be my idea of a great local.
1) It's near a train station, although not so close that crowds of Tory bastards waiting for the 17:04 to Beigeton-on-ooze infest the place every weekday with loud braying voices, irritating mobile ringtones and leaving discarded copies of the Torygraph littering the place on their departure.
ReplyDelete2) Has it's own micro-brewery which, in addition to a regular bizzarrely over-hopped bitter and "proper" Northern mild (i.e; soft shandy drinking Southerners will
proclaim that it's "too dry to be a mild"), will emit a veritable flurry of even more outrageously over-hopped one-off beers, preferably single hop brews in the mould of Pictish. In fact, Richard Sutton would be consultant brewer. And Brendan Dobbin. And Sean Franklin.
3) The landlord is a cantankerous old git who hates everyone, although respects that his customers must share at least some of his views or they'd never set foot in the place. Rather than being a steretypical Ing-er-Lish racist bigot, however, the landlord will be a raving Socialist and expouse his views loudly and frequently with such eloquence that any Tory bastards will quickly see the error of their ways and become members of the Communist party.
4) Dogs are banned - filthy, trip-hazard shit machines have no place in a pub. Any dogs present will be tied outside and goaded with fresh meat in order to keep chavs away. Cats, on the other hand, will roam the pub at will.
5) Plenty of "foreign muck" beers will be avaailble, but not the usual shite list chosen by some numpty; oh no, a list which Bacchus himself would pick if he existed. Which he doesn't, but who said this has to be realistic? So, Bacchus being a scooper (obviously), he'd pick lots of American and Danish hop-monsters and winners from around the globe but, not sticking just to the obvious places, would also import some of Chile and Argentina's superb beers and anyone who mentioned the Falklands would be deported there to see just how shit it allegedly is.
6) Lashings of Seabrooks and Tyrrells crisps - all flavours to enable scooping - plus German and Czech pub food, hearty and filling, which is what you need whilst drinking. Plus, the landlord would persuade Seabrooks to do him "seasonal specials" to attract crisp scoopers from far and wide.
7) Live music would be played in a seperate room on occasion and feature alternative punk bands. The pub's jukebox (for I love jukeboxes, particularly ones like that in Bar Fringe) would be stuffed to bursting with punk, ska, black metal and other alternative choons with absolutely no bland crap.
8) NO FUCKING MORRIS DANCERS.
9) It will have regulars (for every pub needs non-scoopers, sadly) who accept that beer scooping is a legitimate social activity who don't look like extras from an episode of "Chavtown Britain" or a particularly scummy Jeremy Kyle show.
10) Finally, it would offer accommodation to those who have scooped enough not to want to go home... and, reading the above, who would possibly ever want to
leave? Not me, that's for sure...
1, ASOLUTELY NO GREEN KING!!
ReplyDelete2, No miserable b@stards allowed
3, Serves the best beers the world has to offer in perfect condition
4, Jaipur on free vend.
5, In a climate where you can sit outside all year around (southern California would be nice)
6, Sells the best snacks in the world (wasabi peas, pork scratchings, hot wings, salted pistachios, pickled onion monster munch etc)
7, Great traditional pub games
8, No sticky floors, bars, seats, ceilings etc
9, Gents toilets that don’t clear the sinuses
10, Free taxi ride home
1: Somewhere i can chat with the bar staff/manager as im not always with people and this is key when gettin wrecked your self.
ReplyDelete2: Wood is key in soo many factors so i'll just say woodish nature.
3: Somewhere that knows i love a good drink and will serve me again after accidently falling into the dogs water bowl.
4: somewhere that has beer.
5: Somewhere that i can go and get partied out on ale and whiskey and go home singing so 80's new romantics but can also say man im totally in the mood for hittin some techno club and disco'in it up big time.
6: The toilets must be a topic point.
7: somewhere that will not get freaked out when i start raving about the fist of the anrgy god(ronnie/santa)
somewhere that will not think less of me for decideding on my day off drinkin i drink 5 pints then go home and have a bottle of maderia. never mind the point number.
9: Somewhere i can randomly hit out with quote's from lord of the rings and have them back but not be angry if they cant remember if its from the book or film vertion.
10: The pub must be the most banterous thing known to mankind and banter must be the key word, i want to come in and say a pint of yir finest banter and get the beer i want.
1:No noise boxes, including juke/piped/children or so called 'Fruit Machines'
ReplyDelete2:Freehouse with brewery on site
3:mild/bitters/stouts/porters in superlative condition,served with a proper Yorkshire Head preferably in a lined glass
4:Landlord/Landlady of the jolly sort
5:Hearth fire on wintry days
6: Huge chunks of Yorkshire cheeses and pork pies with crusty cobs to help yourself
7: Inter pub darts matches
8: Bed and Breakfast
9: Where Uncle Mort would favour
10: Have to use a O/S Map to get to
by bicycle or walking with a unmade back lane for a dray wagon and the real ale car bound sort.