Fest of fun: Melton Mowbray

There's a certain something about a beer festival in a converted cowshed. Especially one with chandeliers. Ale is only one of the draws to Melton Mowbray - chutney, cheese and pork pies feature highly on the hit-list. Throw in my first visit to an eco-pub and the chance to get my teeth into Comrade Brian's tomatoes and there's all the ingredients of a fest of fun.

An early arrival into Melton gave my the chance to stock up on necessary provisions. Knowing the others would bring at least one pie from Dickinson & Morris I decided to call into Thompson's on the Market Place to get one made by Bailey and Sons of Upper Broughton. Unusually for a pork pie, it's sold by weight rather than size. Then, plenty of cheeses from Melton Cheeseboard plus some chutney from Ye Olde Porkie Pieee Shoppee. Real ale chutney, of course.

A hearty breakfast was needed, so that gave me the veneer-thin excuse for visiting the town's Wetherspoons. The Kettleby Cross has strong eco credentials with a wind turbine, rainwater recycling and solar panels. An interesting looking building inside and out with plenty of glass in the sides, low slung ceilings with ruby red lighting and, away from the yummy-mummies coffee morning, a raised area at the back. This offered an eclectic mix of huge bookshelves hosting a flatscreen TV, carpet segueing to wooden boards and flagstones, an assortment of tables and chairs and an open log fire with sofas around it.

There was a good selection of local beers (Grainstore and Oldershaw); my Grainstore Steaming Billy was superb with clean fruits, thick collared head and liquid malts lined with tropical fruits. A fantastic farmhouse breakfast was eagerly devoured. The staff were always on the go, cleaning tables, shifting dirty crockery, jumping behind the bar if it was busy - a refreshing change from a number of JDWs that I visit.


As I was taking photos of St. Mary's church, I was hollered at by some grumpy old men. Cycling John and Comrade Brian had arrived with another old mucker in tow, Smiley Ray, who I hadn't seen since the winter festival at Burton. We all stopped off at the farmer's market (as thirsty men can never have enough pork pie and cheeses) and had a laugh around the 'antiques fair' looking for a chutney spoon. Which I don't think actually exists, but it kept us occupied until opening time. Though it has to be said, the antiques were more car-boot. In fact, they were more like something that an old labrador had deposited in the car boot. Indeed, I'd have called it an 'old-crap' sale, except that to do so would sully the good name of old crap.

Into the market shed, then. Melton Mowbray CAMRA had created an odd atmosphere. Punters just wandered in, eventually finding the stall on the far wall who took your money for tokens and a glass - with no full refund available on either. That bugged us all. As did the notices stating that 'only food bought here can be eaten here'. Our bags were bulging with the stuff and we'd never come across this edict at Melton before. We took up in a toper trap in the far corner - praying that the geriatric jazz band wouldn't pitch up close by like the year before - and prepared to eat our cheeses by stealth if necessary.

With no list available (another irritation) it required a wander up and down the line to find a starting beer. Hopshackle had been mightily impressive for me this year, so I didn't hesitate in taking a half of their Caskadia. It was a wonderfully light gold drop with floral aromas and flavours. So good, in fact, that I had to have another. The lager bar was my next port of call, Poachers Hare Repie was a little on the hazy side with a bit of overbite to it. A swift trip was made back to Hopshackle for their Historic Porter, which was much more flavoursome, a stout porter if ever there was one.

As we're into dark beer territory, it was time for the cheeses. The Ribblesdale Blue was a goat's cheese, not usually my kind of taste but this was just goaty enough and balanced out by a herby edge.
Lincolnshire Poacher was great, an old favourite, hard enough to take the real ale chutney. More Hopshackle beer was needed, their Historic Ruby Mild (one of my standout beers from the Smithfest earlier in the year) proving to be rugged and fruity enough to complement the cheeses perfectly. The Belvoir Oatmeal Stout felt a little thin by comparison; it still had some good deep bramble fruits and an oaty base but lacked the weight to make it a real hitter in this style. And it would have been rude not to knock off a pork pie at this stage, so our first D&M was unwrapped, given tomato eyes and then scoffed.


The Bailey and Sons pork pie then was soon dispatched too alongside the last of Brian's tomatoes. I preferred the firm crust of this to the D&M we'd had earlier. A Gorwydd Caerphilly was next, crumbling with just a hint of cream. Brewdog The Physics proved to a definitive bitter at this stage, its clean malty notes working well with the cheeses. The Hereford Hop, could have done with a sharper beer as a companion; creamy again with a sharp hop crack in the rind. Apple notes, lovely consistency as it crumbled into a biting, nipping finish

I couldn't now resist some Hopshackle Double Momentum, especially with all beers priced the same regardless of ABV. This seven per cent monster was a little hazy (and, to be fair, was marked as being such on the cask end) but it still had that raw warmth that built up across the palate. There was only really one cheese that we could finish on, Long Clawson Stilton. This was really, really creamy - almost off-puttingly so. Difficult to control, but the effort was rewarded by a real smack of feisty blue rot on your tongue.

I thought I'd round off the session with a perry or two - Two Trees Perry from Gwynt Y Draig did the trick with its intensely soft feel, tripping sweetness and hard sugar rush nose. So good I had another glass, much to the general mocking of my fellow topers.

No fest trip is complete without a swift half in a local pub. The Anne of Cleves looks good from the outside, is properly olde worlde on the inside and even better out in the beer garden. With the late afternoon sun warming the walls, under the shadow of the parish church, it's a garden where I could happily while away a few hours. I realised we were all drinking Brunswick White Feather, mu usual tipple when I return to the said brewpub back in Derby. The beer was considerably more expensive here yet, dare I say it, in better condition than the last few times I've tried it at source.

Overall impression, then. Well, it wasn't the most welcoming of festivals, given the restrictions on the glass/token return and the lack of a beer list ( until the poorly-typed rush job that arrived half way through). I know CAMRA festivals are essentially amateur productions but where's the good practice gleaned from other fests? To be fair, though, the beers were in decent condition overall and had a good balance of familiar local stuff and interesting choices from further afield. The Hopshackle beers were great with Historic Porter probably being my beer of the day.

For the sheer joy of a pork pie, cheese and chutney session inside a cowshed, it's worth the tortuous rail journey on a tin-can crammed with Stanstead passengers. The best fest trips have to be about more than just the beer - Melton delivered a memorable day in the way that only a busy little market town could manage.